the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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