i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
