I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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