my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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