chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
bring money and cleavage
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
