He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
