She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
