There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i out mim tonsoeep
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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