he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
