Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
