If i come over, it means nothing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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