For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
