When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
