So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
