my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
