So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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