At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
