dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
