I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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