Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
where are my eyebrows?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
