U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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