Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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