At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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