We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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