I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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