Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
