ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
