We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it glows. i had to have it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
