I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
