His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
