he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
