fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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