Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
