his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
whose parrot is this?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
