The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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