I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
