very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
