if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
