i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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