I'm really into asian looking animals
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
