If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
