if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
