you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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