If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
