he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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