she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
