You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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