1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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