I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
