paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
